Post-partum Depressions

“You know, I may be the one that leaves. I may be the one that goes away and doesn’t come back.” These words, spoken in serious anticipation by a seventeen year old to his father. A seventeen year old close enough to myself that I can still see the footprints of his thoughts, shallowed and disfigured by the weather endured since they and their maker parted ways. I wonder as I deepen the depressions with my own feet, slightly larger, slightly changed, pointed in a slightly different way. I wonder as I pass his way on my way up this road of switch-backs headed towards a certain summit whose view I have not seen. “Did he know where his way would lead?” I suppose he did not. Yet no sooner does this thought depress my step than, stretching forward, my foot meets strangely packed and solid ground that I know no weather would ever induce to change in place or purpose.

Still those words haunt my steps I strain my eyes to see a hint of the land from which I went, and to which I hinted to never return. But looking back is not going forward and I must content myself with waiting until, switching back, I can look again, with higher view, upon the beauty that I wish to see. Furthermore, if I looked back now, what would I see? I have not come far enough to behold the beauty behind the hills. Looking back, would I not see only that the hills are no longer as grand, nor the trees as tall as I once thought? No, better that I wait until, with further altered feet, I stand and see revelations within the hills which I have not seen.

More of the mountain and the seventeen, now nineteen, year old’s trek I cannot say. Except that he sometimes did look back and, seeing what he feared yet knew he would, slowly turns back, adding at intervals along the way a fraction of salt to experience’s rain.

A second try at Clarity

Caedmon, thank you for your response. A good deal of what you said about Augustin and C.S. Lewis is stuff that I have been looking at recently and what has formed my current thought process. Like I said in my previous post, it is unfortunate that I cannot explain myself better because, I am in mid-conversation but, one day, hopefully, it will all become clear. My comment about Monasteries was overly harsh. Understand that I was not talking about all churches but, rather, a facit of the churches that I am currently in the midst of. Also, the same is true about my remark on doctrine; I do not believe that all doctrine is evil but, that many of the debates surronding doctrine are sprung from evil. I definatly agree with what you said about prayer. Indeed, its power is something that I am only just beginning to taste of–I would include that in the fulfilled living. Finally, when I say a fulfilled life I do not mean a life filled with affluence and influence but, a life filled with God and with that connection that satisfies every desire. The faerie tale life that we are called to live is sprung from this connection because, God created us with our restlesness and has a plan that involves using it. This is the point that many churches have forgotten. We have mutilated the fiery spirit that God instilled in us because we did not see its place in our gospel. However, we missed the forest for the trees and forgot that the point of the gospel is to bring about the glory of God, which is man fully alive (okay so I stole that last line but, I do not know from whom so someone leave a comment to help me out).

Theological Ramblings

Here is a thought: if we were to be true Christians, we would be more human than we have ever been before. God created us as humans and therefore, when we curse our humanity by calling things “human nature” we are blaspheming against God. Understand that I am not accusing Paul of blaspheming, his point in the letter he wrote to the Romans is completely different from mine; it is simply the misfortune of language that our two points use similar words. However, it is that same mix up that caused the need for my position in the first place; people began tweaking slightly what he said about the fleshly nature in order to make it a condemnation upon the flesh when, in reality, he was simply complaining about the state he found himself in, a state which I might point out, was brought upon by Satan. We forget that Satan cannot create; he can only destroy, when he cursed humanity he simply added (or broke) a piece, a.k.a. our sin nature. Therefore, when God saved men through the Christ, he did not create something other than humanity but, rather, fixed the sacred humanity, which he had already created. People are like clocks, when God created us we all clicked in perfect unity but, then Satan came and broke the clocks and we ceased to keep time perfectly, as God had created us to do. However, God saw this problem and sent his son to earth to fix the clocks–now many “Christians” believe that at this point God created something other than clocks. “Christians” seem to think that God was like, “Oh, well that was bad idea how about I make something else like a microwave.” However, God did not take the broken clocks that are now Christians and make something else. He took his broken clocks and made them into working clocks. How does this connect to what I started by saying? Simple, the way we show people that we have something to offer is by living; not holing our selves up in the click-is monasteries that we often call churches were we speak christianese and debate metaphysical topics known as doctrine but by living the wild and adventurous life that God calls us too. Remember, if we truly are made in the image of God then, God places the desires of our hearts there and, they are a part of himself. This is why our lives are the greatest of all faerie tales because, God endued in us the desire to be a noble prince, and a cherished princess, and a heroic warrior; God intends us to use these desires, that is why they are there, and he has promised us a life that is filled with these kind of adventures. That is what true Christianity is, a life to the fullest.

“I come that you may have life and have it to the full” –Jesus